The Longest Stroke-Dementia Road To Somewhere Journal
December 8, 2018, Saturday Adventure №1
We all need a break from each other from time to time. It doesn’t mean we don’t love our love ones, it just mean that we are human. This reality freed my spirit as I took a break this particular morning and left Ole and Mother to spend their first morning together alone since her return home from the Northridge Rehabilitation Center.
As I ventured out into the wee hours of the morning not wanting to wake anyone and had to go and take care of some much needed business pertaining to property management. As I drove along the streets in my car, it felt so good just to hear my thoughts and not have to be concerned about nothing for the next hour or so. As I glared at the traffic, the houses, stores and all that surrounded me as I drove, I realize how much of my freedom had been lost since Mother’s visit to California. By the time she had the stroke, she had been with us for a little over a month and we were planning to take her home any day now and the mini stroke happened. It is now approaching three months since she has been with us and she is missing her home some terrible.
Many have said when Mother had her stroke she was in the best place and getting the best care here whereas her home area may not have been the optimum place for her care or to have this happen for she may have been alone when this happened. Wasn’t sure I agreed with others assessment. When you’re in the moment, you can’t see the forest for the trees. One thing I do know, God allows all things for a time, a season and a reason. And we may not know the answer until later down the road or never.
Upon my return home, I found Ole and Mother in the kitchen. Ole was making breakfast while Mother sat at the table watching him make his breakfast. She refused to allow him to make her breakfast but wanted me to return and make her breakfast. Mother is truly from the old school whereas men didn’t do this as frequently as they do now. The only time my Father cooked for us was when Mother went to the hospital to deliver a baby. So, I guess that makes eight times he cooked for us. Can’t remember what he cooked. I am sure nothing to fantasy.
As I made Mother’s breakfast, I performed our regular routine of bathing and getting dressed for the day. By now, I was encouraging her to do as much of her personal care as possible. A nurse told me it is healthy for all to allow Mother to be as independent as possible. She advised doing everything for another is not helping them to be independent but dependent. We could not afford this because she had to return home someday and needed to remain and/or continue to be independent.
Watching how the rehab center got patients out of bed and on their scheduled routine each morning, immediately after breakfast I helped Mother do three or four lapse of walking back and forth from the kitchen, around the counter to the hall way and back. She protested but I continued and insisted. For me, I was a little nervous but thank God for the training I received from the rehab center. On occasions while at the rehab center while staying in the room with Mother, I’d help her walk around a bit until I shared with the nursing staff what I was doing and was advised I needed to be trained before doing this. You see this was a liability for the rehab center, so I stopped and eventually got the training.
On this Saturday morning, I felt like I need to get back to some of my normal schedule. Ole was cutting the grass in the front and back yard and I thought what a beautiful sunny day to do some yard work with him. Before Mother’s stroke, all three of us would do yard work together.
I wheeled Mother outside in her lightweight wheelchair on the patio where she sat and listened to gospel music on my iPad as she watched us pulling weeds from the flower bed, sweeping and just doing all kinds of yardwork. This was just like old times, except she was sitting in a wheel chair watching us. Nevertheless, all this was better than being cooped up in a hospital room and/or rehab center. All this was medicine to my spirit as I worked, looked upon Ole working in the yard and having Mother yet with us. Things could have been a lot worse or not here with us at all. We take to much for granted and I thank you God for her plight not being any worse. The doctor said a mini stroke will recover in time. Amen and thank you God!
As Mother sat on the patio, her first time out like this, I covered her with a blanket for she felt a bit chilly. Whatever made her comfortable at that moment, I did. She remained out there with us for about a couple of hours until the clock repairmen arrived at our home that same morning. After the repairmen left, I decided to venture out for the first time and used the new lightweight wheelchair.
First stop one of my favorite stores, the 99 Cents Store went in there briefly to pick up a few things for the house. Next door was a store called the Habitat and I’d had always wanted to introduce this store to Ole. So we went in to survey the store out a bit while Mother sat in the car. I could easily keep an eye on her in the car from the store and wasn’t a nervous wreck like my first visit to the post office with her. Then onto Vallarta Supermarket for veggies. Since coming home from the rehab center, we needed much groceries. Ole had bought enough to hold us over for the first week. You see we hadn’t been in the house for weeks. Ole visited with his family and Mother and I were in the hospital and rehab center. Next stop American Tire for air in my tires. All these stops Mother remained in the car until her big venture out to Walmart. We chose Walmart because we could wheel her around for awhile and make it a intriguing day out for her. She seem very contented. Ole pushed her around along side me as we shopped.
There were so many shoppers and it was Saturday so rightfully so. We drove around a while trying to find a parking spot close to the main door. It was then we realize the importance of having a handicap plaque in the car. Another item now on my list of things to do to make life better for us all. Still more things to do. Next onto Home Depot which was in the same area as Walmart. This time, I stayed in the car with Mother and chatted with her a bit as Ole went in to buy a Christmas light timer. Since the stroke affected her speech, I’d converse with her hoping to improve her speech. Upon Ole’s return, we headed home.
This was a full day and a great day for all. Mother talked much less about going home. I guess all this diversion kept her mind busy. This outing confirmed that I or we needed to get on with our life the way it is and the way we want it to be then on.
One thing I know for sure, the way it was, was the way it was suppose to be at this appointed time and the way it is, is the way it is suppose to be now. I rest my case, life goes on no matter what. Also, this way now doesn’t mean it will be like this forever! One step at a time, and when we go as far as we can, then we will see further when we get to where we are suppose to be. We walk by faith and not by sight!! Step 1 first then Step 2 coming up!!!
